"Toxic masculinity hurts men, but there’s a big difference between women dealing with the constant threat of being raped, beaten, and killed by the men in their lives, and men not being able to cry."
I wish I had this tummy still. Goals.
Mostly I just want to fit into those jeans. They’re my favorite.
I have a cat. Yeahhhh.
“How was your day?”
“Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe”
“How are you?”
“I hope you’re feeling better”
“Have a good day today!”
“I miss you”
“Can you come over?”
“Can I come over?”
“Can I see you?”
“Can I call you?”
“Want something to drink?”
“Watch your step”
“Let’s watch a movie”
“What are you up to?”
“How is your day so far?”
“It will be okay”
“I’m here for you”
“Do you need anything?”
“Are you hungry?”
“I just wanted to hear your voice”
“You just made my day”
You don’t have to hear “I Love You” to know that someone does. Listen carefully. People speak from the heart more often than you think."
My hair is red now,
and I feel good about that. So I thought I’d be a little narcissistic and post some pictures because I wanted to feel a bit better about myself and it worked.
I feel a bit better, and it’s worth it.
When I was in high school my dad wrote me a letter on what to expect and advice for when I went off to college. It made me cry and it made me laugh, and it made me not so scared of what was to come. He wrote that I should love as deeply and as completely as possible, he wrote that I should love with all of my heart, and love whomever I thought deserving of it. He wrote how I should always strive to be better, that I should always know who I am and what I believe in. He wrote for me to respect myself, and respect others. The golden rule. That there is absolutely no excuses for ugliness. That I should demand respect from others, and should never let myself accept anything less. He wrote that I should learn from my mistakes, that they were inevitable, but to always remember that they happen and you can learn from them. To never blame someone else for them. He wrote about honesty and truth, how I should be honest with myself. Of course, he wrote about how life is never fair - we don’t always get what we deserve. He wrote that I should pick my battles accordingly, because society is just fucked up. He wrote about balance, that I should always set time aside for myself. He wrote about forgiveness, and how it was better to forgive than to hold a grudge for my own benefit. He wrote so many things and they all are helpful in their own way… but since I’ve been in college it’s been much harder. I don’t deal well with stress, and I don’t seem to love myself. Maybe I am tricking myself, maybe I love myself and I just can’t seem to remember that. I can’t remember much to be honest. There are gaps in my memory and it feels empty. I feel empty. I cry for no reason and that just makes it all the worse. For fuck sake I can’t even deal with what’s going on and I … I’m just making excuses. I’m no longer me, I’m just a shit ton of shitty excuses.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful,
I do have an amazing boyfriend. And he is human, so of course he is not without flaw. And I know that it’s hard for me to share things with him, at least how I am feeling, but it’s hard for me to share anything with anyone. I guess I just wish he would try to find out how I am.
Maybe he does, I know he asks me if I’m alright or if I am happy, but I wish he would try to talk to me about other things. I wish he would call me in the middle of the day when he’s free to say hi, and I wish I would get random texts of him telling me how he’s doing. But I don’t.
I don’t hear from him unless I talk to him, and that kind of sucks. Being the one constantly starting a conversation. Maybe I am being too clingy, maybe I am just not that great of a girlfriend. I don’t really think I need to be great, but I sure as hell don’t want to be shitty.
Maybe I am just ungrateful.